Sunday, August 13, 2006

The BEAST: America's Best Fiend

The BEAST: Top 50 America's Best Fiend: "2. Dick Cheney

Charges: At the forefront of nearly every administration effort to annihilate the constitution. A true psychopath with only one motivating force; insatiable greed. Insists that we can only remain 'free' through torture, spying and secrecy. Bears the crooked ugliness of a man whose entire life has been devoted to a senseless pursuit of power, and whose most effective weapon is a total lack of ethics, or even decorum. So cartoonishly evil he defies parody.

Exhibit A: 'I think they’re in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency.'

Sentence: Strapped to chair; eyes removed with melon baller. Nursed back to health. Lips sewn to a rubber hose connecting him to a 500 gallon nutrition shake. Nursed back to health. Fingers, hands, toes, feet, nose and genitals devoured by hungry pigs. Nursed back to health. Legs and arms ground to stubs with belt sander. Nursed back to health. Fitted with earphones that play only Christina Aguilera songs, and left alone to think about what he has done."

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