Assimilated Press: Bush To Personally Execute Saddam Hussein

In an extraordinary move that has no precedent in modern history, the White House announced today that President Bush would personally perform the execution of Saddam Hussein which will take place in a specially constructed execution chamber next to the Oval Office. The weapon of choice has yet to be finalized but the President is said to favor the use of a standard major league aluminum baseball bat. The President's aides had tried to convince him that a high caliber hand gun would be swifter and more humane but they were quickly overruled by White House political strategist Karl Rove who felt that the President's base would prefer a slower and more painful death for Hussein